So I pretty much stopped using this halfway through the year. Hopefully, I'll be able to start back up as a SECOND year teacher in a few months.
A quick update: It was a tough year to say the least, and I was going through a lot. I'm trying to move past the events of my time this first year and to look on the positive side - which is hard right now. I left my school in March and it was one of the toughest things I've had to do (besides endure certain nameless people at my school for the other 6 1/2 months) but I just wasn't happy. I hated my coworkers for the issues we had and my heart wasn't in it. Then, of course, I hated myself even more for feeling that way and feeling like I had
failed let everybody down (myself included) in some way. I still feel that way to some extent, regardless of what my parents, friends, and prior principal/teachers said. I'm trying to stop using the word "failure" to describe the past year or so, because I know I learned a lot, and so did those kids (gosh darnit!) And I know what happened was for the best. Now the tough part is - I don't have a job lined up yet! It's hard, because I've gone basically my whole life saying "I want to be an elementary school teacher" - literally... I found a worksheet from 1st grade that said that I wanted to teach - and now everything's up in the air. I know I just have to keep pushing through it and things will get better. I kind of feel like my confidence is shot. I keep saying to myself, "Maybe it was all your fault." "What happens if you start over at a new school and the same thing happens?" "You're not good enough to do this as a career." I guess I just have to keep trying and know that God wouldn't put me through something I can't handle. Whether ultimately I find another teaching job or not, I have to bounce back. I can handle this... right?
P.S. I hate to do the whole "spew your feelings and have a pity party because it's a blog" thing, and that wasn't my intention... but I'm going to keep this. It's how I feel right now and I want to be able to look back on this when things get better. :)
